Meditation Wars Features

Welcome to Meditation Wars, where inner peace meets passive-aggressive genius. Our platform offers a unique blend of mindfulness and mischief, allowing you to craft custom meditations that address your interpersonal grievances with humor and style.

Core Features

AI-Powered Meditation Generation

Our advanced artificial intelligence system is at the heart of Meditation Wars. It takes your input about a specific grievance or conflict and transforms it into a masterfully crafted meditation. The AI ensures each meditation is:

  • Tailored to your specific situation
  • Structured to start gently and build in intensity
  • Infused with humor and passive-aggressive undertones
  • Balanced between genuine mindfulness techniques and comedic elements

Customizable Meditation Styles

Choose from a variety of meditation styles to best suit your passive-aggressive needs:

  1. Mindfulness Meditations: Focus on the present moment… and your friend’s persistent lateness.
  2. Visualization Exercises: Picture a world where your roommate actually does their dishes.
  3. Loving-Kindness Meditations: Spread compassion to all beings… especially those who reply-all to company-wide emails.
  4. Body Scan Meditations: Become aware of physical sensations, like the tension caused by your neighbor’s loud music.
  5. Affirmation Meditations: Repeat positive statements, with a twist of delicious guilt-tripping.

Adjustable “Unhinged” Levels

Control the intensity of your meditation with our unique “Unhinged” slider:

  • Level 1: Gentle nudging and subtle hints
  • Level 3: Clear messages with a dash of sass
  • Level 5: Full-on passive-aggressive masterpiece
  • Level 10: Hilariously over-the-top (use with caution!)

Voice Customization

Thanks to our partnership with ElevenLabs, you can choose from a variety of voice options to narrate your meditation:

  • Soothing female voices
  • Calming male voices
  • Zen master impressions
  • Celebrity voice soundalikes (for entertainment purposes only)

Adjust pitch, speed, and emotion to create the perfect passive-aggressive tone.

Meditation Length Options

Craft the perfect meditation for any attention span:

  • Quick 1-minute zen zings
  • Standard 2-5 minute sessions
  • Deep dive 10-minute epics for those who really need to get the message

Sharing and Delivery Options

Once your meditation is perfect, choose how to share your passive-aggressive masterpiece:

  • Direct message through the Meditation Wars app
  • Shareable link for easy distribution
  • Email delivery with customizable messages
  • Scheduled delivery for maximum impact

Remix and Respond

Received a Meditation Wars gem? Don’t just sit there in enlightened annoyance:

  • Remix the original meditation to flip the script
  • Craft a response meditation to keep the passive-aggressive ball rolling
  • Start a meditation chain to really explore the depths of your shared grievances

Safety Features

We take emotional well-being seriously. Meditation Wars includes:

  • Content warnings for potentially triggering topics
  • User consent requirements before receiving meditations
  • Reporting and blocking features for unwanted content
  • AI-powered content moderation to prevent truly harmful material

Writing Assistants

Need help channeling your inner passive-aggressive guru? Our AI writing assistants are here to help. For example, choose Blaze for strong emotional impact or Harmony for a gentle touch.

Analytics and Insights

Track the impact of your passive-aggressive enlightenment:

  • See when your meditation was listened to
  • Get feedback on effectiveness (Did they finally buy a new sponge?)
  • Analyze your passive-aggressive patterns over time

Mobile App

Take your passive-aggressive meditation practice on the go:

  • Available for iOS and Android
  • Record voice notes for meditation ideas on the fly
  • Set reminders to check in on your grievances regularly

Remember, Meditation Wars is designed for entertainment and as a lighthearted way to address minor annoyances. For serious conflicts, we always recommend direct, honest communication or professional help. Now go forth and spread passive-aggressive enlightenment!